Joke Of The Day

Proper punctuation can make the difference between a sentence that's well-written and a sentence that's, well, written.

Don't let a man go alone to pick out an engagement ring. He'll do something stupid, like pick one he can afford.

What kind of paper makes you itch?
Scratch paper.

What is a boxer’s favorite part of a joke?
The punch line.

What did they serve at the dogcatcher's birthday party?
Pound cake

I don't repeat gossip, so listen carefully.

The difference between golf and politics is in golf, you can't improve your lie.

The best things in life are free -- plus tax, shipping and handling.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

Life is cheap, it's the accessories that kill you.

I told her she looked like a million - and I meant every day of it.

To err is human; to blame it on the other guy is even more human.

The biggest problem with health foods is they taste like they look.

My boss complained that I don't listen to him - at least I think that's what he said.

They've been treating me like one of the family and I've stood it as long as I can.

People want the front of the bus, back of the church and center of attention.

Somebody once figured out that we have 35 million laws trying to enforce 10 commandments.

A man went to his dentist to get new dentures. His insurance was denied, and he only had a dollar on him. So he wound up with buck teeth.

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds, for the opportunity to rain on a tent.

Don't marry for money. It's cheaper to borrow.

What is the most non-confrontational age of kids?
When they benign.

Why was the boy called '7½'?
Because his father pulled his name out of a hat.

Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on.


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