Joke Of The Day

Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190°F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder.

During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side, while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy.

A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway.

During the evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34°F in the refrigerator.

Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup late in the week. We expect a warming trend where soup develops.

By early next week, eating pressure will be low, and the only wish left will be the bone.

(Richard Lederer and Stan Kegel)


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Bonus Joke:


POP GOES THE TURKEY

The turkey shot out of the oven
And rocketed into the air.
It knocked every plate off the table
And partly demolished a chair.

It ricocheted into a corner
And burst with a deafening boom.
Then it splattered all over the kitchen,
Completely obscuring the room.

It stuck to the walls and the windows.
It totally coated the floor.
There was turkey attached to the ceiling
Where there'd never been turkey before.

It blanketed every appliance.
It smeared every saucer and bowl.
There wasn't a way I could stop it.
That turkey was out of control!

I scraped and I scrubbed with displeasure,
And thought with disgust as I mopped
That I'd never again stuff a turkey
With popcorn that hadn't been popped.

(Richard Lederer & Stan Kegel)

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